Crossroads (*)
review by Jon Waterman

Here’s the plot:  It’s a road trip movie starring Britney Spears…and two other girls, oh and some guy.

Why is it every movie I see for this website is bad?  Perhaps it’s a growing decline in the quality of films in general.  Look at the nominees for the Academy Awards.  Jimmy Neutron?  I sense a potential “Behind The Screens” article here.  I don’t want to get ahead of myself.  The real question I have to ask follows.  Who wants to pay 5-10 bucks to see a 90-minute music video?  11-20 year old girls—raise your hands now.  The makers of this movie knew their core audience the whole time.  So, no, it’s not meant for a 21 year old male such as myself.  However, I think I can argue that it really isn’t meant for anyone else.

From the beginning, we are made aware that this movie is meant to showcase Britney’s singing ability and acting prowess (more on that later).  She’s jumping around on her bed with hardly anything on while singing along to a Madonna song.  How fun.  You can tell the only reason she’s dressed like that is so that the boyfriends who are dragged to the movie have something to watch.  Oh, by the way, she’s also in her bra and panties at one point, too.  It’s a big important scene with moral repercussions and full of lessons for the young kids.  Let’s not dwell on Britney’s figure.  There are plenty of other websites for that.

This film could have been only about an hour long were it not for all the singing.  I know.  I know.  That’s sort of the point in a Britney Spears movie.  But when half of the musical interludes involve one song that America has seen thousands of times on MTV and one of them is a DJ remixing “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll,” I would guess a few more minutes could have been cut.  I think I would rather see a musical come from Britney than a straight narrative with a few song breaks.  That may have made it interesting.  If nothing else, it would make the absurdity of the movie a little more acceptable.

Now, I’m going on and on about Britney as if she is the only one responsible for putting this movie out.  We must also blame others.  I’m going to start with the script.  Shondra Rhimes scribbled out this paper-thin plot full of two dimensional characters and predictability galore.  Tamra Davis has directed some popular movies ("Billy Madison," "Half Baked") and this may be no exception.  However, none of her movies are exactly great in a technical sense.  Nor are they great in terms of acting.  Crossroads is no different.

Britney is not so much a good actress as she is not so much a good actress.  Nor are any of the other kids in the film.  I don’t think I should single anyone out, because I bet they truly wish they could have their anonymity back.  Kim Cattrall and Dan Akroyd have done so much better in the past, and I really don’t know why they chose to take the roles.

Hey Razzies, take note of this one.

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